A laughter a day, keeps emo-s away. :D Guy at the Whorehouse
This guy goes to a whorehouse and says to the Madam, "I want to get screwed."
The Madam tells him to go up to room #12 and knock on the door. The guy walks up to the door, knocks on it, and says, "I really want to get screwed, bad!"
A very sexy voice replies "Just slide $20 under the door."
So the man slides the $20 under the door and waits... Nothing Happens! He knocks on the door again, and yells out "I want to get screwed!"
The sexy voice behind the door answers, "Again?"
I dunno why I found this funny. I guess that after doing five papers of Chinese everything cracks you up.
The Plane Crash
The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter. "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back...." Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is St. Peter. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a few of days. What d'ya say?" Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. However, two days later... St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey, you gotta come get these guys. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."Now this joke wasn't bad at all, was it?
This is another joke my friend told me like, 2 years ago. I don't know the title.
One day, 3 good friends died in a car crash and went to heaven. At heaven's gate, they met St. Peter.
St. Peter then asked the 1st person: " Have you ever cheated on your wife?"
1st: " Never in my life." And St. Peter let him pass through the gate.
Then, St. Peter asked the 2nd one: " Have you ever cheated on your wife?"
2nd:" I would never do something like that." St. Peter let him through the get too.
Finally, St. Peter asked the 3rd one: " Have you ever cheated on your wife?"
3rd:" Just once. It was with this Stripper in Las Vegas. She told me she would suck a baseball bat through a garden hose."
St. Peter then closed the gate. The 3rd person got nervous and asked: " Am I going to hell just for that?" St. Peter replied no. Then 3rd asked: " Where are we going then?"
St. Peter: " To Vegas."
I seriously think that was funny. That really hurt my tummy muscles. :D So that's it for now, Oh yeah, I forgot, the jokes above are PG-13. Sorry for the late notice. ;) Last one,
Heaven
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.
No offense meant!
